Griff Funny Status Messages

   I walked passed the fridge earlier an thought I heard the BeeGees, when I opened the door it was only a chive talking.

   I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults

   My girlfriend yelled at me yesterday, "That's why we always fight...because you only hear what you want to hear!" "Thank you," I replied, "I HAVE been working out."

   There must be a trick to fighting fire with fire because my kitchen just pretty much has twice as much fire now

   The kids nowadays don't realize how lucky they are when it comes to porn. They can switch on the computer and have vast amounts in seconds. When I was a kid, I used to have a wank when I typed the digits 55318008 into a calculator

   Does running out of money count as exercise?

   Who the hell is this Will Power guy everyone is talking about? Maybe I'll run into him at the bar after my A.A. meeting.

   Ok, so this girl on Facebook posted a status which read: "How can I get rid of this morning sickness?" Turns out replying, "Try a coat hanger" is a good way to get yourself deleted.

   Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.

   A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I'm wrong.

   Autocorrect has to be my worst enema.

   The doctor said I have ADOLAB. Attention Deficit...Ooo! Look! A beer!

   gonna buy a real tree sometime this week, hope it doesnt end up like amy winehouse, dead...5' 6 and surrounded by needles by christmas...

   After years of being called 'behind the times', I've finally got a trendy haircut. Just check out my profile pic on MySpace, losers! (

   Please breathe the other way. You're bleaching my hair.

   I turned my phone onto "Airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst. Transformer. Ever.

   was completely offended, but then you said "no offense," so now everything's cool.

   Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?

   I am such a thoughtful Lad! I bought my ex a chair for Christmas. But the power company won't let me hook it up.

   While cooking dinner tonight I got herbs in my eyes. I am now parsley sighted