Destiny Funny Status Messages

   My GPS says "Estimated Arrival Time" I see "Time to Beat"

   just seen two homeless people kissing so I screamed "Get a box!!"

   dear GPS, please add an, "avoid ghetto" option.

   I'd appreciate if you'd stop calling me, but I'll probably respond if you decide to text

   umm I don't consider that a one night stand... That was a audition..

   Some people say I'm a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again we're going to have to let you go."

   whiskey: the official beverage of the FML

   "The hardest part of the business is minding your own."

   soo upset that I mixed up my voodoo dolls. If you feel any sharp, stabbing pains, please call me and describe the location. Thanks

   If politicians are the answer, then it must have been a damn stupid question

   with great power,come's a great electric bill.

   would rather have a cure for the common hangover than the common cold.

   By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my a$$!

   a picture speaks a thousand words.. but with photoshop, it tells a thousand lies..

   Hygiene Tips: 1.Don't 2.Smell 3.Like 4.Sh!t

   would swim across the Ocean for some of my Facebook friends! Lol, just kidding. There are sharks in there!

   Don't wear skinny jeans unless you have skinny genes. And two X chromosomes, Thank You

   If someone throws a stone at you...Throw a flower at them,,just make sure its still in the pot ;p

   If cars ran on BS, we would all have a full tank..

   Whoever said 'Laughter is a medicine with no side effects' obviously never pee'd themselves from laughing