ANONYMOUS Funny Status Messages

   "just wants less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done. "

   receives sound advice from girlfriends. 99% sound, 1% advice.

   not allowed to use metaphors anymore. It's like an applesauce sandwich trying to teabag a Yeti. Know what I mean?

   here..now what are your other two wishes????

   trying to stop being indecisive, but is not sure about it...

   saving a lot on his child support by switching to condoms.

   out making some changes in hisher life...leave a message and I'll get back yo you. if I don't return your message your one of the changes!

   has learned a lot from dogs: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down (I've really only applied the last to my life, however)

   nourishing his inner child with Cheetos and beer.

   your father's brother's nephew's cousin's sister's uncle's brother's friend's second cousin's former roommate on your mothers side.

   life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain

   textually active

   can't help but notice that fettucini alfredo is just fancy adult speak for macaroni and cheese.

   proof that God has a sense of humor...

   [this comment has been removed due to legal action by the Church of Scientology]

   has found her favorite machine at the gym it's the vending machine!

   What if there were no hypothetical questions?

   made a poor spending decision and would now like Congress to bail him out for the sake of his shareholders.

   making cows laugh and watching milk run out their nose

   cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.