@truebeachbabe Funny Status Messages

   Men are like movies. After 3 plays, you want to return them.

   I found a case of Natty Light on the floor of a random aisle in the grocery store. After I returned it to the coolers, I felt like I did my good deed for the day.

   The only reason women can't park is because we are constantly being lied to about what 8 inches really is.

   If you're cooler than me, does that make me hotter than you?

   Can't sleep. Clowns will eat me.

   Born to shop, not to mop.

   Sir-Mix-A-Lot wasn’t even that clever. All babies have backs.

   I've heard that hair dye goes to your head. You must use the Nice & Easy brand.

   the only reason why I will wear this HIDEOUS bridesmaid dress is so that a drunk groomsmen can rip it off me later with his teeth.

   Dwayne Johnson, paper, scissors...

   Disney has turned into America's Next Top Slut competition. Call in Britney to host with Christina and Lindsay for judges.

   Hey Ashton, when Demi is too old to kick it, I'm available!

   loves waking up to a excited puppy at my bedroom door until I see her run off to the kitchen & realize that the only reason she is excited to see me is cause there is food on the counter & I sometimes give her my leftovers. Little BIOTCH.

   I want to be a Disney princess, but not Snow White because I don't want dwarfs touching me while I sleep.

   If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

   Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

   An elementary school in California is being named after Michelle Obama. It's obvious that the school's mascot will be Chewbacca.

   You need to carry Lifesavers on you religiously because they will serve their purpose. In your pockets & in your car. Do it. Trust me.

   I just saw a headline saying, "Is Rebecca Black pregnant?" & all I could think of was that I guess she chose the back seat.

   I'll stop wearing black when they invent a darker color.