@teewuu86 Funny Status Messages

   On the road to success, and whoever in my way.............ROADKILL.......

   Why do people feel the need to let everyone know that they are deleting numbers out of their phone........Like I really give a FUGG

   Save water... shower with me!

   Show me a man that doesn't cheat and I'll show you a woman who minds her own business

   They should make women wear red wrist bands at the club if they're on their period so the fellas will know if she's worth buying drinks for all night

   Gotta get my ORAL workout: If two witches were watching two watches....then which witch would watch which watch?

   I saw a sign outside a church today it said: "The most powerful position, is on your knees..." *naughty thought*

   never run from a fat cop......he won't chase you, but you wont get away either.

   I wish I had had Dora's parents . They let her little A$$ go anywhere

   I love school.......its the quizzes, tests, and homework I cant stand!!

   Old people tell the best stories.....

   Two eyebrows are better than one.

   My Idea for a church bulletin. "Stop, drop, and roll won't work in hell ."

   Came home & my girlfriend had on my favorite thong. Needless to say I dumped her. No one wears my clothes and gets away with it

   I asked my co-worker if he think he's going to Heaven. He said, "Hell yea!"......

   Me: Did it hurt? Girl says: What, when I fell out of heaven? Me: No, when you got kicked out of hell for being too hotttt!!

   I never knew what a sweet dream was.... Until I fell asleep thinking about you...”

   Hows about you give me your number while I'm still interested.

   I wonder if girls at the University of Alabama call their periods the "Crimson Tide"

   If your dog is the only one excited when you walk in the door from work even though you make 6 figures.......... you have failed conclusively!!!!!