life Funny Status Messages

   Just got a booty call from life, apparently it still wants to keep screwing me.

   If you stay silent and fail to rock the boat in this war between good and evil; your life might be easier, but your children’s won’t.

   If you’re afraid to live your life, then you have already died.

   A satisfied life is better than a successful life. Because our success is measured by others, our satisfaction is measured by our own hearts, minds, and souls.

   To the people who react to my posts daily, may your life be full of puppy kisses and kitten snuggles.

   Male bees die right after mating. So, their whole life is… Honey, Nut, Cheerio.

   The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

   Right or wrong, make a choice. Life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t decide.

   I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

   If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

   Life is not a fairytale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

   Life is not like a box of chocolates. It’s more like mixed vegetables with freezer burn.

   Life is like soccer, you can either use your head or use a good swift kick.

   Trying to breathe quietly while walking uphill, so bystanders don’t hear me fighting for my life.

   No matter how bad your life is, just remember, people out there are worried about the gender of a plastic potato.

   Life Hack: If you can’t afford a psychologist, just get a haircut instead.

   The next person to walk out of my life I’m going with them. I’m sick of my crap too.

   Life hack: Hung over at work? Set up a ladder and take a nap at the bottom. If you’re caught, you can claim that you fell and got knocked out.

   Life is fork, I am soup

   Life begins at 40, so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.