life Funny Status Messages

   It's kinda weird realizing that we are the last generation on this earth to know what life was like before social media.

   In the life, there is no Ctrl+Z

   You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life..

   How things roll is "happy wife = happy life", but just remember, women will never be 100% satisfied, so you might as well go ahead and piss her off.

   Wondering if life is easier when you're totally insane? I'm about halfway there and I want to know if I need to speed up or slow down

   Please wear your masks. It saved my friends life. He was having lunch with his girlfriend and his wife didn't recognize him.

   I really hope my life doesn't flash before my eyes when I pass away. There are some things I'd rather not see again.

   Wondering if life is easier when you're totally insane? I'm about halfway there and I want to know if I need to speed up or slow the hell down!

   Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.

   Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Night gets longer. Life gets better. Wait... what? The humidity? Kindly disregard all.

   I don't know if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

   Current life status – By the time I figure out what nostril is plugged, it jumps to the other side.

   I can't dance to save my life, but when I step in dog crap, I can moonwalk better than Michael Jackson.

   Wondering if life is easier when you're totally insane? I'm about halfway there and I want to know if I need to speed up or slow down!

   Here's how I define marriage: Marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

   Just got my electricity bill and I believe I got charged for the sunlight, the moonlight, the street light, the light of my life, the speed of light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

   Thanks to the people that walked into my life and made it better. And thanks to the ones who walked out and made it amazing.

   I can handle most things in life. But hearing someone chew their food is not one of them.

   Life in Kentucky is weird, for example we can't make ice anymore because the old lady with the recipe died

   I will never drive a Jeep because you have to wave at other Jeep owners and I don't need that kind of pressure in my life.