life Funny Status Messages

   I just got a new smartphone with a app installed on it that tells you which of your friends spend to much time starring at their phones who are in need a social life that's called facebook.

   Life pro tip #366: Never make a midnight snack in the dark. A peanut butter and salsa sandwich taste exactly how it sounds

   Gotta grab your girls booty in public to let other guys know you bout that life.

   Life pro tip #366: Never make a midnight snack in the dark. A peanut butter and salsa sandwich taste exactly how it sounds...

   If life hands you lemons, go find a kid with a papercut and make his life miserable.

   n't it ironic how life starts sucking at the exact same time that you wake up every day?

   Looking back at all the successes & failures in my life, I can’t help but be proud that at least the potty training thing stuck.

   My only real accomplishment in life is knowing all the words to "Gilligan's Island" (beginning and end)

   “midlife crisis” buddy i’m having a whole life crisis

   I hope in my next life I come back as a McChicken so men will look at me lovingly and also settle for me out of desperation

   You may be the sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others.

   Respect cost you nothing.....but disrespect can cost you your mfn life

   One teacher can change your whole life. Like the one that knocked up my cousin.

   Yesssssss!!!!! A recession is coming!!!! This is the greatest day of my life!

   Remember when Scar in The Lion King promised the hyenas a better life in order to use them to gain power, but when they realised he lied to them they ate him? Something to think about.

   A bee is willing to end it’s own life just to cause you a tiny amount of pain. I can relate to that level of pettiness.

   My only real goal in life is to fart loud enough to trigger a car alarm.

   @nbcagt: "I once got trapped on an escalator when the power went out and I was scared for my life!"

   When Life knocks you down, calmly get back up, smile, and say, “You hit like a sissy.”

   i remembee when I was little and I thought my friends turning off the light while I was in the toilet was the worst day of my life