GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   I had a call from a telemarketer and he said he couldn't understand me. I told him to press 1 for English.

   NO! I didn't fall on the floor! I attacked it with my wicked ninja skills! Aren't you jealous?

   What's on a wife's mind when lecturing her husband: whatever she's lecturing her husband about. What's on a husband's mind when his wife is lecturing him: the scores of the ballgame.

   Marriage tip #3: When you have to run some errands and your wife doesn't want to go with you, just grab yourself some Dunkin Donuts, don't get her any. When she asks why you didn't grab her anything, just say, "If you truly loved me, you would have gone w

   So if the groundhog is too fat to see his shadow, do we get six weeks of jelly doughnuts?

   Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Don't forget to set your scales back 10 pounds.

   Ok Jack Frost! You need to quit playing freeze tag with Elsa and Subzero from Mortal Kombat. Because you all keep missing each other, and it is starting to affect the rest of us.

   It's so cold out that you can milk a cow and get instant ice cream.

   I'm tired of winter! I want to fast-forward to complaining about how hot it is!

   I don't get how people afford life without a job??? I can't even afford it with a job.

   My parents have been attending their own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since 1984.

   What is the fastest way to calm a woman down when she is angry?

   Worried about rising gas prices? Taco Bell and White Castle sell gas for less than $2.