GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   I told the bank manager that I wanted to open a joint account. He asked who with? I said, the customer with the most money.

   Well, it's July and almost 100 degrees. Walmart should be putting the Christmas stuff out any day now!

   Marriage tip: Whenever you do something good for your wife, make sure to let her know. For example: "Hey honey, I put all the laundry by the laundry machine. That way you can wash the clothes after you get done with dinner."

   I couldn't get a reservation at my local library. They were booked!!!

   Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

   Remember when we had to smack the TV because it wasn't working right? I feel that way about some people.

   n't it funny how red, white, and blue represent freedom until they're flashing behind you?

   Just a reminder: Walmart will be closed on Christmas Day so both cashiers can be with their families.

   If ever you feel angry toward someone, take a deep breath, count to 10, and then throw a punch at 8. Nobody expects that.

   To save time, let's just assume I'm never wrong.

   Overheard a lady saying she won't let her kid watch Peppa Pig because it encourages bad behavior like "jumping in puddles". I watched Road Runner as a kid and haven't blown anyone up with dynamite - yet.

   I had a dream I was at work. I woke up and called in because I ain't working twice.

   Welcome to social media! A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

   Marriage tip: When your wife is sitting in her chair, scrolling through Tiktok, just ask her why the house has not been cleaned up yet and why she is sitting there, like a bum, doing nothing!

   I've got people who love me because I'm me. I've got people who hate me for the same reason!

   If I block you on social media and you see me in public, the block still applies in real life.

   When I was young, I was poor. But after years of hard work, I am no longer young.

   Please don't ride with me if you're going to grab the dash or scream every time we run off the road. It makes me nervous.

   I said, "Alexa, what do women want"? The thing hasn't shut up for seven days.

   Memorizing pot hole locations is a must where I'm from.