Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

   You don't have to like me, because I'm gonna force you to eventually.

   Gee! There's a string in there!!!..... and thus a new style of underwear was named....

   whenever someone annoying starts talking to me, I immediately start looking for an "X" I can click on them to make them go away.

   Idiot friend : man the economy sucks there no jobs anywhere. ME : I'll give you a job, can you start tomorrow? Idiot friend : man I wish I could but I'm busy all day. Me: so how is Gears of War 3? Idiot friend : Fricking awesome man.

   Water does not collect on TOP of a hill, take the damn bucket up there yourself! Stupid Blonde!!! ~ what Jack should have said to Jill

   You Mexican people and your crazy customs, what does a sink full of mayonnaise have to do with independence?

   I'm going to take my new laptop back to the shop today. I've just noticed that the I, O, X and H keys are upside down.

   Seismologists have confirmed the cause of the quake in DC today was the Founding Fathers rolling over in their graves!

   Just got the giant cardboard check folded up and crammed in my wallet from the Publishing Clearinghouse Sweepstakes I won from 1996.

   Nothin' makes me feel whiter than when the Beastie Boys start rockin' out on my iPod... and I'm ok with that. :)

   Hershey's is coming out with a new candy bar for transvestites... called Heshey's

   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

   God promised man he could find beautiful women who were good honest wives in all corners of the world then he made the world round and laughed and laughed and laughed.

   Don't you hate when your sleeping meds wear off and the kid starts b!tching about being hungry. You're killing my buzz, kid.

   These liberty tax male lady liberty people on the side of the road make me happy I'm not them.

   I hate how my child always moan about how much I drink. I'm tired of having to remind him that if it weren't for the alcohol, he wouldn't even exist.

   WHAT? 10 TO 20!?! FOR SELLING HO HO'S ON THE BLACK MARKET!!! ... Whooooa, your honor, there has been a BIG misunderstanding here...

   I told the lady Jimmy John delivery driver to give me a call when she was promoted to sandwich making.

   "Bae" means "before anything else" I always thought it was a ghetto word for "babe"

   feeling as sprightly today as Jim Morrison... or anyone else who has been dead for 30 years.