KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   I'm black but not "ain't nobody got time for that" black.

   Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.

   A horse walks into a bar. A chicken crosses the road. A lot of animals do things. It is not our place to judge.

   Ever just apologize for no reason whatsoever? No? It must be nice being single.

   If I were a Caveman I would have masturbated in front of a T-Rex just to make him jealous!

   Excuse me guys, help here. What does it mean if the husband of a woman you have been flirting with on Facebook sends you a friend request? Am I in trouble? Should I be worried?

   Don't be pushed around by your problems; be led by your courage.

   When a woman says "I can't get laid" we all know she's just being damn picky.

   I miss being late for work because of morning sex. Now, it's because I dress my cat as Gandolph.

   People hate the truth. Luckily, the truth doesn't care.

   Whoever '' Shawty'' is , she apparently has alot of rapper boyfriends.

   I can’t control you're being an idiot, but I can control whether or not you’re on my friends list.

   A burp is just a fart that took the elevator.

   If it was up to me, Pregnancy test would only have 2 cool results; PINK - You are screwed & BLUE - Keep on screwing.

   A friend got mugged coming out of K-Mart and is devastated. I feel the same way because I had no idea I knew people that shopped there.

   She blinded me with science. Fine, it was mace, but she sprayed it very scientifically.

   Its my birthday today and I am feeling so special even the supermarket doors are opening by themselves when they see me coming through.

   Remember when I loved you unconditionally? Well the terms of that arrangement have changed.

   I always bring some wire cutters to parties, just in case someone else brings a guitar.

   News Reporter: "So what inspired you to work with Chris Brown?" Rihanna: "Beats me..."