JAKE Funny Status Messages

   A man who is not married tends to go through life enjoying his life.

   It's so hot out that I've been sweating more than a drug smuggler going through coustoms.

   When I first met my wife she had a little heart tattoo between her breasts. Now it's her belly button.

   You know that your wife's cooking is bad when dessert is Tum's chewables.

   Make sure to put the letter "L" in the word clocks when you google grandfather clocks.

   Are you bored and broke? Do you have 40 spare hours to fill every week ? Would you like to earn thousands of dollars a month? Then get a job like the rest of us you bumb.

   How did cavemen meet women? They went clubbing.

   The two things a wife can do to make her husband happy. Pack her bags and leave.

   Rude is saying STFU. Polite is saying please STFU.

   's Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright, they just seem a little weird. Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away.

   Fun fact: Daylight saving time is almost a 100 years old. It was enacted on March 19 1918.

   My bar buddy ask me have you ever made a decison without knowing all the facts? I said I sure have....... I got married.

   When a wife's deadbeat husband died. She had him cremated and his ashes placed in a 24 hour, hour-glass. He's now working 24/7 for eternity.

   A scarecrow is outstanding in his field.

   My dog keeps chewing on my sofa and two arm chairs. I think he may have a suite tooth.

   My wife could not deside who to marry me or another guy who proposed to her. So she tossed a coin. I lost.

   The major cause of a divorce is the marriage.

   Play boy no longer have nude models...... What is this world coming to.

   I never go to bed with ugly women. But somehow I wake up with them.

   Getting married is the second most popular thing we do in our lifetime. Getting divorce is the first.