Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

   “Look at my face, does it look like I care?” – “Well by looking at your face, God didn’t care either.”

   Sex isn't sex without hair pulling, ass grabbing, neck holding, legs folding, lip biting, neck sucking, pillow biting, back scratching, etc.

   Logic of an ex girlfriend: You where sh*t in bed anyway So why sleep with me for 3 years then?

   All I needed was the kit but they made me buy the whole kaboodle.

   There is really quite nothing like the flavor of a rejected Facebook friendship invitation.

   Right now, millions of people are mourning the fact that their President was born in this country.

   The three reasons for liking a status: 1) I agree with you. 2) I realize this is about me, of course I'm gonna like it. 3) I like you.

   Ladies, Summer's Eve just announced a new douche infused with THC, anti-perspirant, and KFC... It leaves you fresh, high, dry, and finger lickin' good!

   Why do women always say they want a man with a stable job? What's so glamorous about cleaning up after horses?

   She wanted to do it doggy style so I sniffed her ass, humped her leg and bit her on the face.

   The world is our oyster (aphrodisiacs) which means the world makes us horny. and that is why it is perfectly natural that we should have sex right here, right now, and yet, in spite of the validity of my argument, this pickup line does not work.

   If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting.

   After watching E.T. I'm kinda skeptical. If I found an alien in my shed I'd probably be more likely to beat the crap out of it with a shovel than give it Reese's Pieces.

   I'm off to hit the treadmill. If it doesn't break or hit me back, I may even walk or run on it.

   If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.

   Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

   A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

   There is a special ceremony for marriage so I think there should be a special ceremony for divorce too. One could say, "With this fling, I thee unwed." And then the congregation can throw all the husband's stuff at him as he walks out of the church.

   If there is one thing that women have taught me... Is that it is OK to eat dessert before the main course! ;)

   If they would have had Facebook when I was in college, I would still be in college.