life Funny Status Messages

   My life is like a sitcom, but without the witty one-liners, quirky friends, hilarious situations or laugh track.

   To whoever has my voodoo doll, can you stop making me stare at my phone all day? This isn't funny. I just want to live life again.

   Life's a beach....and i'm playing in the sand...

   Some people wait their entire life for their status to be "liked"..not realizing that it has been p0sted a million times before..

   Find someone who makes you happy and murder them before they ruin your life.

   I'm the life of the party after I pass out.

   Turkey Bacon: Cause you suck at life.

   Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust, Life is short, so PARTY we must

   Life's a B****, but she throws one hell of a party

   Someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.

   I told my wife "you're like a drug to me." "Aww because you're addicted to me?" she said. "No because you're ruining my life" I replied

   A man is a man all his life. A woman is only sexy until she becomes your wife.

   If you want to worship someone who was tortured, killed, then came back to life, I'd say Wile E. Coyote should be it. He's the one who REALLY took one for the team.

   was trying to live the "Sorority Life" in "Farmville", but got caught up in the "Mafia Wars" at "Farmtown".....now my "Farkle" is all "Bejeweled" up!!!!!...help!!!!!

   why do boogers hang on to your finger like their life depended on it.

   I've had plenty of money throughout my life that I could have become an alcoholic. but I choose to invested in agriculture by smoking Marijuana. . .

   With my luck, the love of my life was on that plane.

   Women have 2 guys in their life.. The one they are screwing, and the one they should be screwing.

   Life insurance? Why? So my wife's new boyfriend can get a trampoline?

   I saved a life today, because I asked a hobbo. what will he do if I gave him $1000, he said he will die of happinnes, so I didnt give him