doc noland Funny Status Messages

   its enough gravy when my plate looks like an infinty pool

   sometimes instead of poking you, I just press my finger against your profile pic and do that little coochie coo motion and whisper "girlfriend".

   Nothing better than imagining "Tubman's" raining down on strippers cheeks.

   Most surprising thing about yesterday's 16-hour NBA talks: It was only 2 hours of talks, and 14 hours of "Y'all Ready for This?

   I tell ya what, I bought a toilet brush a couple weeks back, and I'll never go back to paper.

   People say that you chew ice cubes when your sexually frustrated: Related News, I am responsible for the shrinking Ice caps.

   Woke up today singing, "It's the 4th of July," to the tune of "It's the First of the Month," by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony.

   Dryer lint sure does smell a lot better than it tastes.

   The last time I tried to just "be myself" I almost got submitted to a Mental Institute.

   'tipsy' is not in my vocabulary... It's 'drunk' or 'sober'.

   This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.

   I'm too tired to order anything for dinner so I guess I'll starve

   I would say "I hope your well", but that would be a lie

   The new twenty dollar bill will feature a clever line drawing of Harriet Tubman using the men's room.

   Nothing fuels my alcoholism more than listening to friends talk about their pets as if they were children.

   Sometimes, I say weird things during intercourse, like "I love you" and/or "Please look directly into the camera and say you have agreed to this."

   hey Ladies...I just noticed that I stick my tongue out in concentration when I wipe my butt. It's pretty adorable... still single

   Snooki is going to give birth to a giant Nutter Butter.

   A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar

   Zombie Apocalypse? I'd like to give those Zombies a piece of my mind..