Marshall the great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I saw a leprechaun once. After enough green beers you begin to see all kinds of things...
←Rate | 03-17-2013 07:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon Monday's should start at Noon because I can't get motivated to do anything till at least 12:30 or so on Monday's as it is.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 13:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sleep fully clothed for a week after a woman tells me... "Everything's going to be OK."
←Rate | 04-16-2012 18:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always yell at Chinese people walking their dogs because it's rude to play with your food.
←Rate | 05-02-2013 21:43 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Smoked a bag of weed and ate some Mexican food and now I've got a bad case of the sh!ts and giggles.
←Rate | 09-30-2011 09:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My plan to train the world's first tap dancing spider would have gone better had I not freaked out and stomped it to death whilst screaming like a little girl.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 16:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon True love is giving your significant other a sip from your beer glass... a real f*cking small sip though... !
←Rate | 07-18-2013 19:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Foot + your teeth + Contact at a high velocity = Awesome
←Rate | 07-02-2010 02:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men: If you want sex during "that time of the month," you will have to pull a few strings.
←Rate | 06-02-2011 16:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Relationships are like jobs, they require full time, overtime, no paid time off, and the benefits are based on performance.
←Rate | 07-18-2011 14:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Making my lunch for work sucks ass because I smoked a big joint before going in and I ate everything by 9am.
←Rate | 05-16-2012 15:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm kind of surprised I'm not an action figure by now.
←Rate | 07-20-2010 08:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You only live once. Have fun, enjoy life to the fullest, do what you want and don't look back, smile, love somebody. live for the future, not the past. Life is too short to be p!ssed off all the time!
←Rate | 08-13-2011 05:23 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do people at a busy bar never know what they want to drink when the bartender gets to them? I've known since yesterday.
←Rate | 08-28-2011 07:53 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shhhh girl. No need to say another word. You had me at "open bar."
←Rate | 06-12-2011 18:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well... this work isn't going to stare at itself...
←Rate | 06-20-2011 11:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I decided I'd like to get to know you all a lot better. Let's start with banking information. ;)
←Rate | 02-13-2011 20:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need to start saving all my ideas for statuses in a Word Document titled "Read This at My Wake" cuz I would just lay there in my coffin and laugh as everyone got up and walked out.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 18:09 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My biggest fear is that I have already discovered time travel and I will bump into myself and spoil the surprise.
←Rate | 06-14-2012 23:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ironically it's the things people don't say that tell you everything you need to know.
←Rate | 10-16-2012 20:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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