Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   Good afternoon fellow friends. Today we're going to talk about Creativity. You see, creativity is... umm hold on a sec. Google is still loading...

   Hey people that are jog, if you really wanna sell me on this jogging thing, you are gonna have to stop making those faces that make it look like it sucks.

   Does anyone else feel more sorry for the dog with the homeless guy than the guy himself?

   My new GF: "Wow, look at all this beer you have in your fridge. You must love to drink." Me: "No, I just hate to run out of beer."

   Just poured a packet of Jello powder in the fishbowl while my fish was asleep. PUNK'D!

   Wow... I just met someone that actually IS as stupid as they look.

   Women must love you because you are the biggest d!ck I have ever seen

   Whenever I see someone calling my phone, I wait and see if they will call 10 times, if they don't, it probably wasn't that important.

   Hi, you’ve reached my voicemail... Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn’t be done over text.

   To the anonymous person that keeps sending all that damn porn to my phone.. get a new phone with a better camera please! :)

   There had to have been some kind of break through in the pumpkin sciences this year because everything at the store has pumpkin in it!

   Your wife is more of a "certificate of completion" than a "trophy"

   Things to shout at Tiger Woods at Augusta: "Nail this hole like a Hooters waitress." Or you can say, "Now that you're not getting any, beat it like it owes you money!"

   My girlfriend accused me of faking it in bed last night, and she was right. I wasn't asleep at all.

   After a long weekend without your phone, you learn what's really important in life. Your phone.

   If there's any indication of my laziness... just ask the dime in my wash machine, that used to be a quarter.

   Just walked in the room and the girl on the news was saying"we like it to be at least 10 inches but we prefer it to be longer than 12 inches.She was talking about people donating hair.Thank goodness.

   An angry mob of nerds can be dangerous. The only thing stopping them from tipping cars is physical ability.

   If the eyes are the window to our soul... I better pluck mine out.

   You should come with a warning sign and possibly one of those flashing red DANGER AHEAD lights.