flinnie Funny Status Messages

   I don't cut in front of people whenever I'm waiting in long line, that's rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.

   Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you're donating blood...

   You can tell a lot about a girl by her hands. For instance, if theyre placed around your throat shes probably a violent person.

   I instantly smile when I see a text from you, I don't care what's in it. It's amazing to know I crossed your mind even just for a second.

   I hate when its dark and my brain is like "Hey you know what we haven't thought of in a while?" Monsters.

   It's easier to forgive your enemies than figure out how to limit their access to your Facebook page.

   I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.

   When I'm on my deathbed, I'm definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.

   There is probably a lot of ATM security camera footage of me rocking out.

   Every person who ever asked if they were bothering me was bothering me

   To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.

   I'm pretty sure that just before I get to Walmart some mental institution drops off its patients to go shopping

   People who use that snobby pronunciation of "vase" make me want to punch them in the foz.

   The lengths I'm willing to go to avoid somebody I know in a supermarket could count as cardio.

   If movies have taught me anything it's that all car chases eventually lead through a fruit stand.

   Someone should sit Lindsay Lohan down and force her to watch that episode of Saved by the Bell where Jessie was addicted to caffeine pills.

   I snuck in my neighbor's house last night and ate up all their Christmas cookies. This secret Santa thing isn't so bad after all.

   I hate when people text me "what are you doing?" at 1:00 pm on a weekday. Well I don't have your Art History degree, so probably "working".

   it's not fair that haunted houses pay someone to dress up & chase customers with a chainsaw but grocery stores won't let me do it for free.

   Time heals all wounds. Except sucking chest wounds. You should see a doctor about that.