Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   God said: "I cannot be everywhere, So I created MOTHER!" The Devil Replied: "Even I can't be everywhere, So I created MOTHER-IN-LAW!!!"

   My girlfriend went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her "b!tch refresher course".

   For the record, if my mother ever tells you she uses Oxycontin to remove stains, it's not true.

   A furniture for my mother in law's birthday??? Thank you honey... I think coffin just sounds right...

   Like all moms, there are days when Mother Nature just wants to feel sexy. Somehow, this leads to hurricanes.

   Define birthday :-the only day in your life.....when your mother smiled when you cried.

   i bought my mother in law a tv and furniture for her birthday...you shouldve seen her face when rent a center came and picked it up...yup she hates me

   Facebook - one more way my mother can make sure I haven't died in the past 24 hours...

   Wanted, Teenager owners manuel for models 1993 thru 1996. Must be kid tested and mother approved.

   The reason folks who don't work @ Walmart know the deficit was 11 trillion in 2007 is because they graduated from high school and their sister in-wife isn't also their mother.

   Turning on Parental Control...restricting my wireless network so my mother cannot go on Facebook at certain times.

   THE ALIENS ARE ATTACKING EARTH ON FRIDAY. THEIR PLAN IS TO KIDNAP ALL THE BEAUTIFUL & SEXY PEOPLE.. DONT WORRY, YOU'RE SAFE... I JUST WANTED TO SAY GOODBYE, PLEASE CHECK IN ON MY MOTHER IN LAW EVERY NOW AND THEN

   So a man walks into a bar with a monkey.. I forgot the rest of the joke but your mother's a whòrë.

   If a mute kid swears,does his mother wash his hands out with soap?

   named my daughter after my mother in law. In fact Psychopathic Maniac turns 3 tomorrow

   Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant.

   Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother.

   A couple kisses and gropes in public and nobody bats an eye but let a mother breastfeed in public and all hell breaks loose. How did we get to this as a society?

   My mother told me that when I was born I was so surprised that I didn't talk for a year an a half.

   African mother to her child: "You better be happy you're that skinny, there's fat kids in America that wish they were as skinny as you!"