KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   The worst place to be in the world is that place where you are not exactly sure of where you stand in someone's life and what you mean to them.

   Some girls date bad boys because they think they can 'fix them'. Stop it, he is not a broken car and you are not a mechanic.

   DAUGHTER : “I am in love with the neighbor, so I am running away with him.” DAD: “How is he going to take care of you when he doesn't even have a job?” DAUGHTER: “Dad, I am only reading the letter left by Mom.”

   To those who worry about haters I say: You will never reach your DESTINATION if you keep stopping to throw stones at every dog that barks at you.

   Remember, there can be only one interesting person per relationship.

   CONSEQUENCES OF TODAY'S MODERN LIFE STYLES: The wife rushed into house screaming to her husband: Darling, Come quick! Your kids and my kids are beating our kids!

   I bet there is nothing a hug from a panda can't fix.

   I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.

   Life is better after having sex. Or when you know you're about to have sex. Or when you know someone is dying to have sex with you.

   If you show up at my house without calling first, you'd better be wearing a uniform and delivering the mail.

   Your story doesn't add up, so feel free to stop lying.

   How are you gonna dress like a ho, talk like a ho, walk like a ho, act like a ho, and then get mad when you are approached like a ho, addressed like a ho and treated like a ho? Silly ho.

   Pregnancy Test: The magic wand that can make a man disappear.

   I bet guys are getting better at finding the clitoris now that pubes are extinct.

   You say, "I think we should see other people" like I haven't been doing so ever since we started dating.

   Love means sharing your thoughts, your fears, your dreams, your hopes, your pin codes and passwords.

   I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.

   A dog ask a cat, "why do you always make love in secret?" The cat answers, "coz we don't want humans to copy us like they did to you dogs"

   My wife just cleaned out her purse. So, she'll be having a garage sale later this week.

   Money is not a problem. The problem is I don't have Money.