Abraham lincoln Funny Status Messages

   Here I am!.......Now what are your other two wishes?!!!

   Nothing says ''I'm a fat a$$ like wearing a T-shirt in the pool!

   I'm not saying you're ugly! I'm just saying you're a 12 pack away from being why type!!!

   No matter how old you are an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a Sword!

   Dont take me for granted, because I will leave your a$$ in at a moments notice!

   I am glad McDonalds doesn't sell hotdogs! I would hate to order a McWeiner!...And don't even get me started on Super Size!!!

   Sex is like Math, You subtract the clothes, Add a Bed, Divide the legs, and hope you don't Multiply!!!

   You know you're a Lo$er if your mom wants you to help set-up things for your twins Surprise Birthday Party!!!

   When the teacher says you'll be working with partners then adds ''But I'll be assigning them!''

   This has been the Hottet July in U.S. history! And not just because of ''Magic Mike'' and ''50 Shades of Grey'' temperatures have benn up also!!!

   Why don't you slip into something nice like a ______________

   ''Magic Mike''.......if I hear this one more time I hitting someone with an ''Open Mike!!!''

   I know we are in a seious debate on your status! And I totally disagree with everything you've said. But I can't commnt yet, because I have no idea what I' talking/arguing about, and i'm waiting for Google to load!!!

   Due to the Economy, remember that money I said never to worry about?!!!

   Marys dragging me to some play tonight #bored #killme

   My parents accused me of being a liar today! All I said was ''Santa Claus'' ''Easter Bunny'' '' Tooth Fairy'' and walked away. Shut them Up!!!

   Funny how when I see someone from High School I suddenly hve a great job and am trying to stick a key in a car I in the parking lot that I could never afford!