doc noland Funny Status Messages

   Are you kidding me? I hope Madonna has a wardrobe malfunction during the Super Bowl halftime show. I know it sounds sick, but I'd like to see her dong.

   99 donuts cause the B!tch ate one

   I could never find it in my heart to kill another person, but I've entertained the thought of dancing on a grave or two.

   Maybe that plane doesn't want to be found, have you ever think about that?

   I'm an organ donor, but I'm pretty sure all they're going to use is my liver for *after* photos.

   I may be my own worst enemy but there is a hell of a lot of competition out there vying to unseat me.

   Black mothers be like "your dad was on that Malaysia flight."

   Lazy fact #254946156, You were too lazy to read that number

   Super Mario and Zelda are very accurate in depicting the idiotic things men will do for v@gin@.

   Manti Te'o wasnt missing tackles in the National Championship, he was hugging his girlfriend.

   My girl says she doesn't want me j@rking off in the shower anymore. I told her its my d!ck and I'll wash it as fast as I want to.

   I need a pity pity bang bang

   BREAKING: Tupac died again today when a member of his posse tripped over the extension cord.

   If you block me, don't be surprised if you look out your window to see me making out with your garden gnome.

   has Finally figured out the difference between us. You're me if I tried too hard!

   Moral compass? Is there an app for that?

   #Tebow will be the first person in history to leave the mile-high club a virgin.

   I just invented "5-hour Energy Popsicle" and now my nose won't stop bleeding and I'm seeing ghosts.

   I'll bet it would be excruciating to listen to Foghorn Leghorn sing a cover version of Jackson/McCartney's "Say Say Say."

   I jump out of bushes to give surprise breast exams. I save lives. The police are on the lookout for me. Probably to give me an award.