bigedusw Funny Status Messages

   Today, I was told I was being too patronising which means I was treating them like they were stupid.

   The problem with being young is sometimes we don't stop to think, the problem with getter older is sometimes we forget what we were thinking about.

   ~Hint to the obvious~ If a fan page or group requires you to invite all your friends on your friend list, it will not do what it promises, unless it promises to piss off your friends.

   For all of you out there you are so infatuated with Olympic Curling, be sure to check your local listings for the Paint Drying World Championships later this year.

   No one ever seems to realize that when someone says, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you," basically implies that there is a list and hurting you is on it.

   I just balanced my checking account, and discovered that I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something or pay a bill.

   After many attempts to drown my sorrows, I'm starting to fear they may have learned to swim.

   The true art of procastination is picking the correct task to put off that will eventually not need to be done anymore.

   As I, once again, found myself glued to the riveting action of Olympic Curling, I couldn't help but see a missed advertising opportunity. Swiffer WetJet should be sponsoring the hell out of this event.

   Instead of a "See who is looking at your profile" application, the one the could be the most fun would be, "See who is online with their chat turned off."

   I have always been told to never say "never." On that note, never get into a food fight with cannibals and never be caught dead with a necrophilac.

   I would not say that I am living in the fastlane, but I am experiencing life at a high rate of WTF's per minute.

   I feel like it is going to be a great weekend to get some work done around the house, so I plan on getting up early, turning on SportsCenter and hope this feeling passes.

   I think if your relationship status says, "It's complicated" that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single" or petition for a new status called "I am bootycall."

   I use to get a little nervous if I saw a policeman in my rearview mirror, these days I feel the same about a Toyota.

   I'm thinking about making my own brand of beer and call it, "Responsibly." That way I would get free advertising from all my competitors. "Please drink Responsibly."

   Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn't pay..so if you keep reading, you'll go broke.

   The people at MapQuest must think everyone is an idiot. Is it really necessary to start the directions with how to get out of your own driveway?

   ™ is a registered trademark. All unauthorized reproduction and distribution will lead to prosecution.

   I honestly believe if there was a fan page or group in favor of dog poop mixed with rotten fish eggs being thrown at the elderly, people would join, if for no other reason but to click something.