StonerDudee Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My friend told me not to say anything about his new girlfriends lazy eye, so I made sure to give numerous compliments on her normal one.
←Rate | 10-01-2013 03:53 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
←Rate | 11-19-2012 23:43 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
←Rate | 12-16-2012 20:19 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you're a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
←Rate | 06-30-2012 17:46 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 12:31 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon So wait, if I post a letter without a stamp and just put the intended address as the return address, won't it be sent there anyway?
←Rate | 04-03-2013 01:07 by StonerDudee Comments (5)  


   messageicon I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
←Rate | 09-02-2012 20:26 by StonerDudee Comments (4)  


   messageicon We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
←Rate | 07-08-2013 11:04 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, if that doesn't accurately describe my life I don't know what does
←Rate | 01-02-2015 20:50 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you're smart too, I like that.
←Rate | 10-22-2013 20:55 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don't need to dress half naked to get a man's attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
←Rate | 12-11-2012 19:16 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time Nicki Minaj tells someone their voice isn't good enough on Idol, someone is crushed to death by the weight of the irony.
←Rate | 01-20-2013 10:04 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Martin Scorsese's film "The Wolf of Wall Street" broke a record by using the word "F**k" or "F**king" 506 times. That actually beats a record set by my dad in 2003, trying to put an Ikea chair together.
←Rate | 09-11-2014 21:22 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was eating Oreos, and I was dunking one in milk and the cookie broke and sank to the bottom. So now I'm just sitting here, staring at the glass and wondering why bad things happen to good people.
←Rate | 08-02-2012 12:12 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Go home North Korea, you're drunk!
←Rate | 03-30-2013 17:43 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've just seen an advert in my local newspaper. ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! $35,000 - $40,000 So I called them up and said, "The answer is -$5,000."
←Rate | 03-30-2013 17:51 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon When my kids grow up, I'm going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I'm bored & then just leave!
←Rate | 03-17-2013 11:44 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some days I think Forrest had the right idea when he dropped everything and just kept running.
←Rate | 12-05-2012 14:10 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
←Rate | 08-19-2012 10:10 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon My car broke down outside Dominos last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift off the driver.
←Rate | 01-01-2013 15:18 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  




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