mm Funny Status Messages

   “Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.”

   Don't let your Facebook balls get your real life teeth knocked out.

   You can't sell electric cars if gas is cheap. If you don't think that's part of the plan, you're not paying attention.

   Need money to travel back to 1941 to give Joe Bidens dad a condom.

   Just because your p*ssy's wet doesn't t mean it's good. Trash bags leak too.

   There's a problem with Kinect for X-Box... If I wanted to use my entire body to play sports... I would just play sports.

   Folks crying about $4 a gallon gas while in line for $6 coffee.

   A wise man washes his hands after he pees. A wiser man doesn't pee on his hands...

   I got to face the facts. My orange loser will never darken the doors of the white house ever again. Not even as a tourist.

   Why do women always say they want a man with a stable job... What’s so glamorous about cleaning up after horses?