miz Funny Status Messages

   Last year for Halloween me and my mate were meant to go trick or treating as a pair of breasts. He didn't turn up and I went by myself. I looked like a right tit.

   People think the pile of bodies outside my door is a Halloween decoration, it isn't. I've plugged the doorbell into the mains.

   For Halloween I'm going to wear a pacman suit and chase Muslim women in burkas around the town centre.

   Arguing on facebook is like the special olympics, even if you win your still retarded

   you can always tell if there's a police car in our area... Everyone in our street flushes their toilets at the same time!

   this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can't talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao

   Be nice to your parents, because your dad could have shot you into a tissue or your mum could have swallowed you.

   Brand new scientifically proven weight loss lipstick... Superglue

   and they have been telling me for years, salad was good for me, well f'ck that i'm sticking to chips.

   I've just finished writing an epic new film series about dyslexic vampires. It's called the Twiglet Saga.