minnie haha Funny Status Messages

   I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.

   Apparently a swizzle stick is NOT a wand. Further, I have been advised by the bouncers that I will henceforth be unable to go “Bippity Boppity Boo” on anyone else’s arse tonight.

   Can't the gov't just call in Jon Taffer and do this shutdown thing right?

   I accidentally drank two energy drinks this morning and now my house is decorated for Christmas.

   Whatever you do - when a policeman comes to your door with his handcuffs out and asks for you, do not try to put a dollar bill in his belt using your teeth. .....do not ask me how I know that.

   Twinkies are like Val Kilmer, bloated, saturated in fat, and no one’s had them in their mouth since the 80's.

   Text from hubby: Wanna go to Lowe’s and get a new toilet seat tonight? Me: Hell yeah! In your face single people. IN. YOUR. FACE.

   I’m on to you mister..... there were no pearls and that was NOT a necklace.

   The American flags on the moon have been bleached white from 44 years of solar radiation. Just great. If aliens ever attack, we've already surrendered.

   Another World's Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.