marqattacks Funny Status Messages

   I didn't sleep that well last night, there must have been a pea under my mattress.

   Am I the only one that uses the bristles on an esclalator to brush your shoes?

   Dear Hotel Decorator, why do you insist on putting the coffee maker next to the toilet?

   Your iPhone alarm didn't work? Well, as my great grandfather used to say on his deathbed, shortly before his demise....."too bad."

   Beer companies keep telling you to think when you drink, but they think is that when you drink you can still think. The truth is, when you drink you can't think. So before you drink, think-- then don't drink.

   I hate to break it to you, fatty, but shaving and leaving just a line of facial hair along your jaw line is not going to make your double chin disappear, it'll make you look even fatter.

   Look up the word "idiot" in the dictionary and you know what you'll find? The definition of idiot, you idiot.