letsfly Funny Status Messages

   when people ask....I tell them I been sober for 21 years.

   This is the real me. Full of problems. Full of love. Full of lost. Full of hurt. Full of life. Full of hope. Full of happiness. Most of all.....Full of friends.

   Not guilty? This is the worst episode of Law & Order ever.

   i wanted to go smoke pot, so I told my mom I was getting tutored. she asked what time I would be back, I told her learning doesn't have a curfew

   you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now

   Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

   You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

   You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me

   On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

   I made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if I failed the breathalyzer.