kittykat Funny Status Messages

   Yoko Ono will once again oppose the parole of Mark David Chapman - the man who shot and killed John Lennon 30 years ago. Perhaps she ought to rethink that - I hear Chapman has a Jonas Brothers obsession now.

   A fat chick served me at McDonalds earlier. She said, "Sorry about the wait". I said, "Don't worry darl, you'll lose it eventually".

   SKY news announced that Tampax have signed on to sponsor Tiger Woods. A spokesman for Tampax said, "To sponsor a c*nt going through a bad period is exactly what our company is all about".

   sweating like a cat at a Chinese restaurant

   Police discovered the body of a local cartoonist this morning. Details are a bit sketchy.

   ran over an old guy's guide dog today. Lucky for me there were no witnesses.

   My boss didn't know I drank, until one day I came to work sober.

   sending more mixed signals than a dyslexic, third-base coach.

   just got barred from Bunnings. This arrogant prick in a red apron in the timber aisle just asked me if I wanted decking. Lucky I got the first punch in!

   loves a man in uniform, unless he's in my rearview mirror.