gremlinsd Funny Status Messages

   The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I'm protected against heartworms and fleas.

   Fun new drinking game for parents: Take a shot every time your child screams. Hahaha... Just kidding! Don't do this. You'll die.

   Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.

   Dear 2016, for the love of all that's holy... Please take Kanye too!

   Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?

   Trying to eat a powdered donut without looking like I just came from Charlie Sheen's house.

   You know a girl is a keeper if she picks the iron when she's playing Monopoly.

   When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.

   If smoking weed destroys your short term memory, then what does smoking weed do?