gil Funny Status Messages

   Instead of a coffin, OJ will be buried in a white Ford Bronco, wearing black leather gloves.

   Remember WWE admitted everything was staged entertainment? I'm waiting for politicians to make the same announcement.

   FRIEND: Why do you spend so much time on Facebook? ME: I have serious digestive issues. I spend a lot of time on the toilet.

   Eggs are so expensive that I am eating steak, lobster, and caviar for breakfast now.

   I'm seeking scientific study assistants and participants to publish a study called "The Perfect Orgasm" - Pay is $20 per session

   RIP Barbara Walters. Beaver Cleaver's TV mom died. Eddie, Whitey, and Lumpy must be devastated.

   The mandatory mask rules are preventing fire breathing dragons from defending themselves. Please vote Pro-Dragon.

   Would taping or gluing my mustache and beard together meet mask requirements?

   Some women pay $5000 for breast enlargement. I got my man boobs for free.

   Why are women and children always the last survivors in horror films?