Zenith-Nadir Funny Status Messages

   I'm so happy college football is back. Where else can one enjoy such blatant one sidedness and win money on the outcome?

   I cried because I had no shoes. Then I met a man who had no feet. Then he met a man who had no legs. Then he met a man who had no brain. And that ended right there with Joe Biden.

   The dating pool nowadays could use a little chlorine.

   Vegans have an issue with killing animals, but are a-ok when it comes to abortion.

   Please be careful. You may have Monkeypox and not realize it. You could be a-chimptomatic.

   When I was young I was poor. But after decades of hard work, I'm no longer young.

   I might not be the dumbest guy in the world... (well, as long as he stays alive.)

   If you're in a restaurant waiting for the waiter, aren't you the waiter?

   I have a swimmer's body: A whale.

   Singer Meat Loaf has died. He will be cremated at 375° for 1 hour. His ashes will be mixed with mashed potatoes, gravy and green beans.