YourFavOriteAhole Funny Status Messages

   Paula Dean is currently at home watching the George Zimmerman trial in disgust.

   Guys, putting the word “Swag” in your Bio is a good way of telling girls you didn't finish school & your job is selling crack on the corner.

   The reason why it's so hard to understand Rachel Jeantel at the Zimmerman trial is not because she's uneducated, it's because she has multiple necks. So it just takes a lil longer for her words to travel.

   You get a dozen chances to make a first impression when you're dealing with a pothead.

   Someone should really tell cab drivers not to Stink & Drive.

   I bet Jay Leno is amazing at putting on pillow cases & folding blankets.

   Someone accused me of stealing his status that I stole from someone else... awkward!

   Thank God for my mother being so horny 31 years ago or I could have just died a slow death in a sock.

   Out of all the Socially Transmitted Diseases out there, I have Instagram is my favorite.

   Given that you can be anything you want on the Internet... I really don't understand why so many women portray themselves as skeeO's