WhiplashWally Funny Status Messages

   A friend of mine was wounded in combat. He sprained his ankle when he tripped over a table during a bar fight.

   So after leading on thousands of supporters in order to collect millions in campaign contributions, Sarah Palin has announced that she will not be running for President, but not without first spending stacks of donated cash on a cross country family vacat

   My wife tried to buy something online yesterday.... Anyone know how to get a credit card out of a floppy drive?

   36 Million pounds of tainted ground turkey was recently recalled. I'm not sure why anyone would want to buy turkey taint in the first place.

   A new study shows colon cleansing may have adverse side effects, but I have a feeling they pulled that finding out of their ass.

   New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.

   I stepped into the Wal-Mart bathroom and it smelled like Casey Anthony's trunk in there...

   Good Morning America challenged everyone to remove any article of clothing they were wearing that wasn't made in America. I was shocked by the results, but not as shocked as the people standing around me in Best Buy.

   Congress decided not to raise the debt ceiling. If China calls, let it go to voicemail

   America: Where children are on leashes and pit bulls roam the streets