Walrus Gumboot Funny Status Messages

   Give me freedom or give me marriage.

   Domestic terrorism is when my cleaning lady whacks me upside the head with a broom.

   "That's it. I'm done. I'm never hanging out at a swimming pool again."~ Marco Polo

   Let's get it straight. It's not about the, "Right to bear arms", it's about the, "Right to arm bears."

   There was a homeless guy walking down my street.. I was gonna give him a few bucks but his sign said: "ONE DAY IT MIGHT BE YOU". I put the money back in my pocket just in case he's right.

   First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

   Finished your 40 minutes on the treadmill, 30 on the elliptical, 20 minute cardio? Yeah? Now go read a book, dumbbell.

   If I don't get at least one friend deletion on facebook every day, I feel as if I didn't do my job.

   How come the girls with the sluttiest Facebook pages are the one's who talk the loudest about their Christian values?

   My wish for you is to get genit@l w@rts from Honey Boo's momma. But I mean that in a nice way...