Timmy Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If you ever catch your girl smiling at her phone, it's most likely something I said.
←Rate | 03-01-2017 17:26 by Timmy Comments (0)  


   messageicon We finally have a story to tell OUR grandchildren, "I was alive the LAST time the Cubs won the world series!"
←Rate | 11-03-2016 04:19 by Timmy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been on a million first dates in my life, but there is still no rejection like a toddler refusing to high five you back...
←Rate | 06-30-2015 12:22 by Timmy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not every trophy wife is first place...
←Rate | 05-02-2015 12:05 by Timmy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to Ferguson, MO and all I looted was this lousy T-shirt...
←Rate | 11-25-2014 15:16 by Timmy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've finally tried Turkish Delight...it was good, but not "betray my family to the White Witch" good....
←Rate | 10-21-2014 17:03 by Timmy Comments (0)  


   messageicon what f#cking idiot named them jet-skis instead of boatercycles
←Rate | 05-13-2013 12:29 by timmy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The baby laughing alone in the back of the vehicle at nothing in particular goes from adorable to creepy after only a couple miles.....
←Rate | 05-08-2013 22:22 by timmy Comments (0)  


   messageicon “According to greek mythology, humans were originally created with 4 arms, 4 legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”
←Rate | 10-19-2012 12:58 by Timmy Comments (0)  



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