Susan Funny Status Messages

   It's recycling day in my neighborhood tomorrow or as I like to call it - haul the wine bottles to the curb night!

   I have a bad temper which means lots of make up sex and "I'm sorry" blow jobs. Who wants to date me?

   If a woman raises her voice during an argument she's really saying, "STOP THROWING LOGIC AT ME WHEN I'm TRYING TO BE IRRATIONAL!"

   If you die and wake up in hell, at least you know you did earth right!

   I don't need a man. But I want one. That means those of you with no jobs, no cars and no money still stand a chance.

   It's not our fault you have a small d ick so don't take it out on us. Really, don't take it out.

   I'm going to start smoking again until I find someone better to do with my mouth.

   The thought of you makes me clench my thighs......hard.

   Whoa whoa whoa. Stand down, nipples. It's just a little chilly weather, nothing to get excited about.

   I just yawned on the bus and two dudes gave me their phone numbers.