Stinky Funny Status Messages

   Dear Facebook: You keep offering up people for me to "friend", but then you get all concerned and ask me how I know them. You can't be the pimp and the cop!

   SOMEBODY'S gotta be the best fu*k in town, and it happens to be me.

   If I could live my life over again, I'd do everything the same. Except for that time I sh*t my pants in 3rd grade.