Slasher Funny Status Messages

   I miss the days when I could easily guess the password to my parents computer! Now I have to dust for fingerprints to sign in :(

   Your parents ask you to do something and you tell them you'll do it in ten minutes but you never do it.....

   [Average Salaries] U.S. Soldier: $54,000....U.S. Congressman: $174,000 (Not counting bonuses)....What's wrong with this picture?

   Telus: “Your call is very important to us, Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.” :(

   When people start a sentence with "Do you know what your problem is?" I interrupt and start telling them all my problems. They never expect that!

   The man in front of me is buying a pregnancy test. I think this is the one time in his life, where he wishes she sent him for tampons!

   Nothing imroves creativity like a lack of supervision!

   Dear Facebook: Stop being like my Mom and suggesting people for me to be friends with!

   I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Microsoft Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my eleven page essay that I swear I didn't make any changes to.!

   Dear Facebook: If I have 62 friends in common with someone and we're still not friends ... it means I don't like them!!! Take a damn hint.