Sarah Funny Status Messages

   I wore matching bra n panties for this?

   I'm not crying, that's just the vodka leaving my body through my eyes.

   I'm a keeper...of bees.

   You call it cleavage; I call it a stray popcorn reservoir.

   Do these yoga pants make your d*ck look hard??

   Apparently, sitting down all day makes your bum grow bigger. All I have to do is figure out how I'll start sitting using my chest.

   Just a few more weeks without sex and I win another cat.

   My husband picks fights with me like he doesn't even value half of all his assets.

   I like cooking babies and lots of other stuff. I also hate punctuation.

   If you can't handle me getting arrested in my pajama pants at Walmart then you don't deserve me buying produce in my yoga pants at Target.