Psycho Funny Status Messages

   Of course you can use bacon grease as furniture polish. *licks coffee table*

   No, I don't want to hold your baby. It looks sticky.

   I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.

   Nothing like a little chloroform and some duct tape to hold a relationship together.

   If you make eye contact with yourself while brushing your teeth in the mirror you have to swallow.

   HER: Will you miss me? ME: Only if you run in a zig-zag pattern

   When there's a new woman at the house, and the dog doesn't stick his nose in her crotch, then I pass too.

   I wonder how long it took for the Playmates to realize that Hugh's Viagra had worn off and rigor mortis had set in...

   Florida is going to be covered in stripper glitter and cocaine pretty soon.

   Did you know :Relationship Without Sex Helps you Focus on the Most Important things in a relationship like Cheating