Nunthewizr Funny Status Messages

   When someone posts a picture of their new car and you want to reply, "Congrats on your $600 a month payment!"

   I wonder if clouds look down on us and say stuff like "That one's shaped like an idiot."

   Realized I’ve never seen gloves in someone’s glove compartment, and now nothing makes sense anymore

   Before the internet I used to like people.

   Chinese food to go: $17.95. Gas to go get it $1.50. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.

   Swimming in the pool counts as a shower, right?!?

   When I die, donate my teeth to the Walmart Cashiers.

   You can workout and brag about your muscles all you want but it still isn't going to make you any taller.

   I don't get why any woman stays single. You would think they would get married so they can let themselves go.

   If the Universe could talk, it would sound like a combination of Morgan Freeman and Optimus Prime.