Mike M Funny Status Messages

   When someone hands me a Bible, I flip it open and autograph it. Then I hand it back (as they look very confused), I smile and say.. "It's always nice to meet a fan!"

   People who say "May the 4th be with you" are the same people who say "see you next year" at the employee Christmas party.

   The road to recovery from my addiction to sexual innuendos has been a long and hard one. But the end is in sight... I can see it coming.

   Farts are a poop's way of texting, "On my way."

   So if Jesus doesn't see his shadow when he comes out of his cave this Sunday, does that mean we get 2,000 more years of hell on earth?

   Cinco de Mayo is actually about a ship full of mayonnaise that sank off the coast of Mexico.

   May you have the luck of the Irish and starve today because you can't find potatoes!

   Honestly officer, it's not my fault... Jesus took the wheel...

   I don't always drink milk, but when I do.... I prefer Dos Boobies. Stay thirsty my friends...

   I feel sorry for the adjective "flaccid" for it will forever be associated with that one thing...