Mick Funny Status Messages

   The only time I've ever felt like a male trapped in a female's body was the 9 months before I was born.

   Poor Hillary can't get a break. She was at a Chinese restaurant, and when she cracked open the fortune cookie, a ballot with Trump's name was in it.

   The people of Puerto Rico have unfortunately discovered just how much power mother nature has. Yet, there will be those arrogant humans who'll continue to think that we're solely responsible for climate change.

   My uncle is the town drunk. Unfortunately, the town is Chicago.

   Pizza Guy: "Louie's Pizza. May I take your order? Me: "Is the owl there?" Pizza Guy: "Who, who?" Me: "Lol, that never gets old. Gimme a large all the way."

   I'll never understand when someone says that they hate to drink water. To me, that's like saying you hate breathing. "Hey, uh, would you happen to have something to breathe other than air?"

   The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.

   Girlfriend: Mick, I'm miserable in our relationship. Me: FOR REAL? Girlfriend: Yes. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I've lost 10 lbs. Me: So you're saying it's over? Girlfriend: Well, not yet. I wanna lose 15.

   I have to go shopping. I got run over by a steam roller yesterday and need to get me a pair of size 200 x 14 pants.

   Pineapple on pizza is as appealing as pepperoni on pineapple upside-down cake.