Memz Funny Status Messages

   If Monday was a person it would be a fat ginger girl who likes horses and tells the teacher when you cheat.

   Don't judge me for being materialistic until you've walked a mile in my fantastic Gucci suede shoes.

   No, no, no. I'm not insulting you. I'm describing you.

   Don't you wish people could be like money? So you could hold them up to the sun and see which ones are fake and which are real?

   It's snowing in East London at the moment...First white thing I've seen all day.

   I remember 2011 like it was yesterday

   Welcome to Facebook Timeline....Ended at midnight 31 December 2011

   Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don't mix it up this year!

   Some woman has just said to me... Oh it's the last day of November, are you going to be shaving your tash"... No darling I'm keeping it, what about yours ?

   The kids are gonna be shtting themselves after trick or treating at my house tonight......Chocolate laxatives are the best.