McFazzella Funny Status Messages

   I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.

   Dear Lord, Please use thy healing powers to see over Aleppo. And Lord, while you're at it, please check on his brothers; Groucho, Harpo and Chico as well. Amen.

   Tomorrow is the official Electoral College vote. Or as it will be more popularly known: "The Day Hillary Lost The Election For The Third Time."

   I'm a proud member of the LGBT community: Liquor, Girls, Baseball and Tacos.

   I overheard two people at work talking something about removing stubborn fat. Look, I know I could stand to lose a few pounds, but that's no reason to call me that name and try to get me fired.

   With winter less than a week away, I've come to the vivid realization that, as human beings, we've been shortchanged by nature. How come we don't get to hibernate?

   I just realized the most exciting part of playing Monopoly is picking the token.

   I ordered a genuine leather living room set from IKEA. They sent two cows, some logs and a book of instructions.

   Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.

   Why go to all the holiday expense of visiting relatives in another state when you can stay at home and set yourself on fire for free?