Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I'm going to have.

   I'm never sure how much ball cleavage to show when I wear my Casual Friday Jean Shorts

   Having 50 girlfriends isn't swag. Having 1 girlfriend and 49 chasing you is...

   Screenshot me, I dare you. I'll climb through your window and smash your phone so quick.

   When a girl likes you, everything you tweet has the potential to piss her off.

   If I don't respond to your 1st text, it's not an invitation to text me again... With your basic ass

   When someone I don't like texts me, I send their text back. I don't want that sh*t.

   If a guy don't text you back, he's probably reading the bible or volunteering at an animal shelter. Men don't cheat, idk who lied to y'all.

   Maybe I'm old school, but I like women with eyebrows actually made out of hair.

   Monday... that better not be your ugly ass I see peeking around the corner!