MDS Funny Status Messages

   I've been eating so much during the lockdown. I'm starting to get a tan from the fridge light.

   Movie Theater Tip: When you go to a movie the first thing you need to do is pour a drink in the seat in front of you, so nobody can sit there.

   My brother in-law just called with some terrible news.. He tasted a bag of white powder he found in his son's backpack and his worst fears were realized... Gymnastic chalk.

   I saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth.. She was down to the final four.

   A night of insomnia is usually followed by a morning of browser history clearing

   I helped a little old lady with a new 60 in. TV cross the road this afternoon. The guy in the car next to me even joined in as we honked our horns repeatedly.

   I Went to the Valentine's day parade downtown, it was nothing more than a drunk guy wandering around with heart on.

   I just received a letter from my crush on Valentine's Day. Well, technically it's a restraining order, but still....

   It's safe to assume that more pubes are shaved on February 13th than any other day of the year

   Dave came into the bar last night visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much, quit counting them