M Funny Status Messages

   Relaxing, Got up at 6am. Did yoga. Had a protein shake. Ran six miles. Started lying about everything...

   Pizza is like sex, it's always good even if it's bad.

   Dear Transgender people, Don't you dare tell me I have to accept you for who you are when you couldn't even accept you for who you were.

   Social Networking: Facebook has degraded to displaying women's behinds playing golf and bowling?

   Who knew in 1987 when Steven Tyler wrote "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)" that it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy?

   Some fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time..." Others begin with "If elected, I promise..."

   Has anybody actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my life?

   All of this "which bathroom to use" debate is ridiculous....why can't we all potty like it's 1999?

   When the morning hits your eye like a big smelly cow pie.... That's A-Mon-dayyyyyy......

   It's hard to find a good air guitar these days.